Movies give the impression that scripts are comprised mostly of dialogue, but film and TV are audio-visual media; what you put on the page should be what we will see on the screen.  Beginning writers often make one of two mistakes: too much or too little description.

The problem of too much description

We all think every minor detail is important, but we’re not writing novels.  The audience isn’t going to see your narrative masterpiece.  It’s important to give the reader a clear visual, but don’t get caught up in the details.

I recently read a script that had FOUR PAGES of description on one room.  No matter how well-written it is, no one will keep reading a script with four pages of set description.  And this wasn’t even for the main location!  These four pages could have easily been summed up in one line.

I know you’re thinking, how can four pages be cut down to one line?  Easy: you cut all four pages and substitute them with one line.  Here’s what I mean:

“It’s a one-room apartment with a sofa on the right side and a coffee table in front.  On the coffee table are three candles and there’s a black bookshelf containing books on photography against the wall.  The TV is from the ’80s and sits on a milk crate.  There’s a blue rug on the floor and it’s a little dirty, but nothing that can’t be cleaned up.  Little light streams through the window and it’s dusty, very dusty.  It’s like he’s still living in college….”

to

“INT.  BACHELOR APARTMENT – DAY

Sparsely furnished with second-hand junk, dark and dusty.”

Nobody needs to know the floorplans of the room or where exactly the furniture is.  If you have it clear in your mind, it should come through in your scene.  The way in which you position your characters, where they sit, what they do in the space, if they look out of windows, etc. all comes out naturally.

Keep your comments to yourself.  Avoid writing commentary like, “it’s nothing that can’t be cleaned up”.  This is just lazy writing.  Yes, I’ve seen it in professional scripts too, but pros can get away with it because they often don’t have a lot of time to worry about every word and they’re pros so they can get away with it – you can’t.  Be specific in your descriptions.  If the carpet is dirty (and this is relevant to your story), is it dirt, oil, food, mud, blood, what?

The only reason you would keep the finer details like three candles on the table is if it was integral to the plot.  Maybe your story is a crime drama and at the start of the movie there’s three candles but one goes missing and the killer is the one who has the missing candle.  Otherwise, cut it.

Too much description takes up a lot of valuable space.  You only have 90-120 pages to tell your story and if you’re taking it up with chunks of useless description, your movie will really only be an hour or so.  Plus, no one will read it.

Use the master scene headings.  Being vague with your MSH leads to repetitive description.  If your MSH is “INT.  CAR  – DAY”  then you go on to say “They zip down the highway in an open-top Mercedes”, you’re repeating yourself.  Change your MSH to “INT.  MERCEDES CONVERTIBLE ON THE HIGHWAY – DAY” then you can get right to what the people in the car are doing.  Even if it’s an establishing shot, you can describe how they’re driving: weaving through cars, passing cars, going the wrong way…what have you.

There are many professional scripts with ridiculous amounts of description, but they tend to be for scifi or exceptionally visual stories where the world has to be created from scratch.  Also keep in mind that just because someone else does it, doesn’t mean it’s acceptable for you.  As new writers, part of our job is to make our scripts easy to read.  Readers hate to get bogged down in tons of text especially these days.  Unless you’ve proven yourself as a professional, keep it light.

The problem of too little description

Perhaps now you’re a little wary of putting too much text on the page and now you’ve got practically nothing but dialogue.  This isn’t good either.  The second rule of screenwriting is that you only write what the audience will see and hear.  Many times, new writers rely too heavily on dialogue and forget to give the reader visuals.

This is usually a result of not knowing your story well enough.  Essentially what you get is an outline in script form.  Some writers also claim that they see it clearly in their head, but just don’t put it down on paper.  Why would you do that?  As noted above, there are some details we don’t need to see, but just because you see it clearly, doesn’t mean your readers will.  Don’t cheat them of that.

If you put your characters in their home, use this as an opportunity to reveal more about the kind of person they are.  Is it a big house or small?  Wood or stone?  Modern or traditional?  Clean or dirty?  How is it furnished?  What details can you pick up on in the house to reveal character or plot?

Many writers just put their characters in a room for the sake of giving them a location.  Make the location relevant to the story and it gives a whole new light to the scene.  Even if you put your characters in a cafe, it still sheds some light on character or situation if you put them in a greasy spoon versus a Starbucks.

You put your characters in a car, but what kind of car?  Is it a beat-up old clunker?  A ’69 Mustang convertible?  A new model Mercedes S500?  If the car doesn’t matter to the story or belongs to a minor character, don’t worry about it, but if the lead owns a car, say what kind.  It says a lot about the type of person they are.

Establishing shots.  Do not use the word “establishing” to sum up any scene.  Tell us what we’re seeing.  If it’s a stunning sunset or a glistening skyline or a turbulent ocean, write it down.  Pros use “establishing” as a short-hand, but again, you shouldn’t.  Many of the professional scripts you read are not spec scripts, they’re written specifically for production companies so don’t use them as guidelines for a spec.  Anything you do not put down on your script will not be on screen.

What is just enough description?

Here are some guidelines to refer to when writing description:

• Be specific.  Avoid generic terms like ‘car’ or ‘house’ and this will keep your descriptions vivid and economical.
• Always start a scene with description.  Whether it’s of the location or some action, starting a scene with just dialogue, even after a secondary heading is bad form.
• Is it relevant?  Cut anything that has nothing to do with story.
• Can I summarize?  See a particularly long section of text?  Is there a way this can be cut back?
• Are there a lot of scenes with just dialogue?  Test yourself and see if there are places where you can cut dialogue in exchange for visuals.  How can you use your environment to dress it up?
• Is what’s in my head coming out on the page?   Is what’s on the page vivid to the reader?  Get others to read it and tell you what they see.

Tomorrow, I’ll get into describing character actions.